united states- ny- middletown- dolson avenue- tutor time- room 4 b about 5.15 pm
my mind was melting slowly to a steady slow beat of the clock ticking (this is a common nervous reaction to monotony). there were 11 children under the care of Mr Tyrone and myself. let me just give you a breakdown on how the evening works- the kids just basically play from 5 o clock on until their parents show up- and when there are fewer than 8 children- we move them to a front room. it is my contractional obligation to watch, beat, and provide guidance to these children. it is also my job to take a running tally of the remaining children in the room.
so yes, thoughts were slowing down and the rate at which the children were being picked up dramatically decreased as well. i was coloring (on my desk, on a piece of paper, on my irises, on my shoes, i really dont recall- at that point of the day i could have been doing anything) when this bright and helpful girl -bridget- brought to my attention that emma needed help in the potty. i thanked her.
there was emma in the bathroom with her skirt strewn about the floor. she was sitting on the potty in her undies swinging her feet to the music that occupied her thoughts -having a good ol time. i asked her if she needed help. she swung her head ambiguously like a retarded man. a heavily retarded man. so, i asked if she needed to go to the potty."yes or no, emma- say a word." (this time a more ambiguous nod) so i gave her the helpful hint of pulling down her undies, reminded her to flush her filthy fecal matter and wash her contaminated hands.she nodded again wildly. i think she meant "ok". i was begnning to get a little frustrated, but i mean, if the kid needed help, i would love to give it to her. i asked if she needed me to stay. by this time, i was wondering if i should just tap my foot in the suspicious puddle i was standing in and see if she would respond to moros code cause this fuckin nodding business was for the freakin birds. i waited for the nod.it refused to pay a visit. i stared at her for a minute- she stared back- i heard the dramatic soap opera music play- she shook her head as to say no- i left her.
i went back to work. i decided the time would go by much more quickly if i would play with the children a bit. so i did. ryan and i made a temple with blocks and two more children were picked up. it is now about 5.30. i crossed out the number 11 on my clipboard and wrote 9. hmm, but that wasn't right. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. 8. 8? ok, lets see, 1,2,3 by the computer,4,5 playing blocks, 5,6, at the legos,7,8 at the coloring table. 8. yea, i guess i just messed up before, there are 8 kids.
5.34- emma's dad comes in the room. emma! shit! still in the bathroom!my eyes dart to the door- a small hand stretched out on the floor making a plastic dinosaur dance. i go to her. her skirt was on the floor still- her undies up. here is what happned. she couldn't put her skirt on because it was in fact a skort and it was too tricky for her to manuver her little legs into because she twisted it about in her hurry to undress and pee quickly so she could play. i honestly dont know why she didnt call me back in. perhaps all she wanted me in there in the first place was to put her skirt back on. i don't know man. but i admire her inner strength to squirm her fingers just so to get a hold of a dinosaur and play- oustretched between the tile of need and desperation and the carpet of freedom and play.

yea, so that was the other day.i mean, i don't sexaclty suck at my job or anything, i just lost track of her. you know how my memory is. seriously, i have NO perception of time, depth, speed, age~anything that involves thinking with the left side of the brain. did something absolutley tramatic happen to me which cause me to shut off my brain and then i also erased it from my memory? cause if it did, i would really like you to inform me. In Wilheim Reich's studies, he proposed that an emotional trama could be trapped within a person's muscles and cause physical damage unless this emotional trauma is released through therapy or another de-stressing means. so if someone knows if i was blugeoned or abducted or something a few years back- just let me know so i could remember it and talk about it and gain maximum acess to my brain again. (well, as much acess as i had before. but i am not too sure what i think about the whole humans only use 7% of their brains) i think perhaps that was just said in disgust. we prob do use all of our brains, but we still do these heartless disgusting things. sorry, ranting about my lack of love toward humanity. i guess you can call me misanthropic, but it just depresses me that consciences are simply thrown out of the window when a fresh vagina is exposed.(in a man's case. no, not resorting to lesbianism, although i know too many guys who would love that idea- i get that a lot. that i should be a lesbian. and i should join a rock band. those are seperate. i didnt get that i should become a lesbian rock star yet, but tomorrow is another day...
yea, so i think i may just cut and paste a huge chunk of the material that was in my subprofile into this bad boy- since i want to terminate the sub profile, but i might miss a few of its contents- so if you see old shit in here dont think i am running out of thoughts. no sir, just time.