cricketity crash.
best month ever this year

i moved out here to be with chris (which is such a mandy moore movie thing to do) not knowing many people under the age of thirty to be on this island. he pushed me completely out of his life without an explanation, just a few evasive excuses.(see also: lameass excuses. see also: a cheap way to get out of (what i thought was) a meaningful relationship). at first i thought the irony of it all to be humorous. then i realized i was pretty upset by this. then the whine and pine stage, then the pissed off bitter unrelenting girl stage.

take 2 to vernon to pick up my car. saw drago, marissa. my fam and my dog.pretty awesome. sat by the pool, swam, went to warwick and a good cafe- had a good few days.
i was driving my car back to long island when some bitch cut me off on the GWB and slammed on her brakes. i went to apply my brakes, and BEHOLD- hearing a "fffmmph" sound and feeling my foot against the floor still on the pedal but still traveling 45 mph i realize i don't have brakes anymore. great. swerved into the next lane, clipping the cunt who cut me off. sideswiped at least 2 other cars.blaring on my horn. lifting my pedal up with my toe and pumping the brake. no dice, grandma. cut into the next lane to avoid colliding with someone else, got hit from behind. rear-ended someone kinda hard. by this time my momentum has decreased and i pull my e brake to no avail and slow down enough to do the dangerous thing of putting it into park while it is still moving. i am now in the left lane of the cross bronx overpass getting screamed at by drivers for stopping in the left lane, getting hooted at for wearing a tank top. lost kathy. she had to double back in nj to find me. i am waiting outside of my car so it wouldnt get hit. grumble grumble flash. oh, that is just the storm that decides to release its deluge onto me. crying on the phone with kathy when OH my cell phone dies. sick assholes ask to take me home. crying my face off. cop didnt want to file a report. car is towed to the bronx. waited 2 hours in goddamn yankee traffic to get to what normally takes a 2 minute drive to the shop. some homeless man approaches me when i am alone in kathy's car insiting i open the door or window so he could ask me a question. "i can hear you perfectly well through glass".
my friend hasnt called me in a week not even to say hello or ask for his stuff back. that is an excellent feeling.

i am a fucking mess.

that is why (among other things) june takes the cake for being the best month ever.


on a really awesome note, though, i only have to pay Rutgers 52 bucks out of pocket in tuition next fall for the entire year.


I will take you and leave you alone watching
spirals of white softly flow over your eyelids and
all you did will wait until the point when you let go