funeral procession

Years ago
I was an angry young man
I'd pretend
That I was a billboard
Standing tall
By the side of the road
I fell in love
With a beautiful highway
This used to be real estate
Now it's only fields and trees
Where, where is the town
Now, it's nothing but flowers
The highways and cars
Were sacrificed for agriculture
I thought that we'd start over
But I guess I was wrong


~~
nothing.but. flowers.

today was rough- started the morning with a fierce argument with my mother
started the morning without coffee. then a long drive to a funeral home.
all this experience, and i find i still don't deal well with death. all tears and flabby cheeks. i think most of my emotions had a lot to do with repressed feelings about my father's death moreso than my great aunt's death- don't get me wrong, i loved her dearly, but she lived a long (until recently) healthy life. sass, bangles, and firecracker eyes, that was what she was.

very emotionally exhausted.
i am way too old to be staying with my mother for the summer. what i mean by that is that i am way too old to put up with her shit, but i am broke, so i guess i have no choice. i am deeply miserable here. i miss chris.