heels

ok, i will be the first to admidt that i am pretty much a goddamn babe. that does not mean i know the first thing about being a girl. well, of course i know the basics,wear a bra (sometimes) put marks on the calender four days a month (when i remember) shave legs (never in the winter) and that breasts will get anything anyone could rationally want (bingo). but being one of those girls (shivers) is a horse of a different color.

you know the kind.
the kind that brushes their hair- everyday- more than once.
one that matches their underwear to their bras and their socks.
the kind that listens to "toxic" at unreasonable decimals every thursday night while blowdrying, straightening and curling (just the bangs) their hair as well as performing other prepartory rituals for a wild night of drinking
(thanks, habitants of 314, i absolutly love that song).
the kind that have Coach purses in fall, winter, and spring colors,
the kind that has changeable cell phone covers.

mind you, i have nothing really against those girls they have a lot of balls, man, they are pretty cool.nothing wrong with them. not wrong, just different

BUT
i have seen the signs.
the SIGNS, goddammit! i think i may be turning!
i blame the new man.
knowing this babe has made me less defensive and sarcastic and bitchy
(i LOVED my bitchiness towards boys, goddammit!)
and i just throw giggles and smiles around like they take no effort to make.
i was seriously terrified the other day when i subconsciously matched my panties to the color of my tee shirt. i quickly changed. this is disgusting, lately i have been taking more than a minute to dress, actually contemplating what i should wear and what colors would go well with my skin tone and haircolor. if i become anymore of a girl, dude, the boy is out. sorry,man, i adore you to pieces, i am just not ready to sacrifice my coolness of an ovary enlarger.
Like i said before, i just don't know what to DO with it! after the basics, man, i don't know!
so invite a tee shirt n jeans kinda girl to a fancy shmancy party (in lon gisland no less) and you have a classic case of a chicken running around with its head cut off trying to get ready and look nice or an eskimo in mexico with a parka and a harpoon or a montegue crashing the capulet party or just a rather uncomfortable girl trying to look like she is comfortable in a strapless bra and a tight dress and....
HEELS

i will have to let you in on a little secret- i envy these "real " girls- their flawless sexecution of walking in heels. fucking spikes. stilletos- the fucking word stilts is in there for godsakes. i don't know, perhaps that is what it is supposed to mean.
so anyway, i purchased a really cute pair of pink heels (yes, i have to declare that they really were very cute.)

they seemed harmless. like those cute puppies at the pet store that play with you and don't bark and just come up and kiss your hand and give you " the eyes" everytime you visit its cage and then you fall prey for its own little gimmicl then you take it home and it is a barking biting pissing fur shedding machinistic canine demon- well, yea, besides the barking pissing biting canine monster or whatever- these shoes had me fooled cause they seriously were straight from hell. well, all heels are. dude, just substitute the "e" for an "l" and you got its true name.
so i take them back to my room for a test drive.
not so much
even after i tighten them, my heel just did not want to stay directly behind my toes, they both like to turn inwards.
"those" girls were cheering me on and thought it was really cute as i was wobbling and falling and flailing my arms to gain balance. ("wait, you've never worn heels before!? oh my god!) well, i have never worn stilletos before and the last time i wore any kind of heel was probably at my prom so like 4 years ago.
i got the hang of it, but then i got into a groove, but then i was going really fast and don't know how to turn (how do i stop these things!?)
so i only had a minimum amount of preparation before "the prom for old people"
so i got there-
think virgin ballerina, kala, virgin ballerina!
squeeze butt, hips tight, legs close together, chest out, arms back.
so i did.
total wipeout count 2