here is my smile- soft and sweet- treat her delicately for she may drip off and melt away at any moment if you don't freeze her in your memory.

honestly- the last few days have seemed surreal and blissful. i am afraid if i blink too many times, my eyes will shut completely and be starved of the images of my accomplishments. sorry to carry the clifford the big red dog balloon in my own macy's parade, but returning to school after a two year struggle makes me a proud girl- not to mention that it makes me feel like a goddamn grandma (a sophmore in a senioe's body) it don't matta, though.

here are some of my thoughts- they are violently moshing around up there.
listening to lauren's mixed tape and i miss her
ther really is an art of creating the perfect mixed tape
there are different forms and approaches -i am a big fan of the "flow" effect- you are a master if you have an great enough ear to have elvis precede faith no more, for sexample
oh how i love hedwig
no tv in the dorm and that kicks ass
glad i brought some dvds for when i make some friends
sometimes the past has this beautiful way of always being behind you and then you notice it creeping up really fast- like your shadow and then you walk under a building where the sun can't kiss and the lighting changes and you see your shadow rushing in front of you and you smile and you go to chase it and you have the most awesome time reaching for it and running after it and teasing it and running from it and embracing it and wrestling it to the ground and rolling around and around with it until you heave heavily and then your breath slows down and you find yourself on the grass - alone- no shadow but you are still pleased it was gracious enough to visit you but are also glad it will leave you alone for a while until one fateful day when the lighting is just right.and wouldn't change it for the world.
yea, gatorade
oh man, it is strange how one grows up- or degresses or whatever- lost two friends in one week- but i wont fret cause things are going to change
feel like a trucker- have major "breast sweat" and a tattoo on my arm(unfortunatley, its not real)
kathy offered to use her free tattoo certificate on me. i couldn't accept the offer.my first tatto can't be off the wall. i am waiting for miss duffy to consturct one for me
i am sorry there are no horoscopes for today
man, i need to read the news
does anyone know how to get in touch with ross?
i love being alone
ha, i think i have been branded a loner or outsider already in my dorm although i am not actively trying to- but my r.a. keeps chedking in with me and suggesting all of these group things.
met some peeps today.
hmm, oh my golly, are things actually going to go well for me?
i don't want to hold on to this good feeling too long, its prob gonna ge taken away from me.
do i have bad luck or bad karma?
erase thosee icky thoughts, kala!
gonna kick some ass

now i will confess--
i can't wait to sing again. there was a time when jon was pushing me really hard for auditions and schooling i should have quit my job because it was so unhealthy for my body and my voice and it dampened my spirits (the daycare job wehre i worked in illegal conditions that were shitty and detremental to a child's development but i felt trapped because i really loved those kids)and i needed rest and to clear my head and to focus and to try harder. i mean he was right, but there was a lot of stress on me and i couldnt focus and i really did try very hard for my auditions (although i only auditioned for two highly selective schools) and i was rejected and i was pretty decestated and i stopped so i wouldnt start to hate the only thing i was adimately passionate about.and if i couldnt give it my all i wasnt gonna give it- but now i will offer myself to it like a curious little virgin- i can't wait to open my lips and let it flow (haaaaaaaaaaa-not the vaginal lips)
i miss you erin
thom yoke singing about milkshakes-pretty delightful
oh man, i hope my brain reshapes- quickly
can't wait to bleach my hair and join a soroity and get my man count up to 18
i will leave you with this
this